This is day 1 of 5 posts on how to get what you want and how to be happy.
Over the past few months I’ve been trying a few different things. Like blog challenges and trying out new experiences, some successful and some not so successful. I quit on the blogging challenge twice. I’ve come to realise what the most important thing in life is, it is to actually really want something, I mean reeealy wanting something.
We have all said I want more money, but then went and spent 5 euro on a cup of coffee and gone to work, not to think about money until the next time we are stuck for a bill, that we do not want to pay. Then we say I want more money again.
Why is that? The reason is we don’t really really want more money. If we did we would have it.
Let me explain a bit more. When we really want something, it is an emotional thing, not a conscious thing. It is generally driven by two things pleasure and pain. In the example above it’s driven by pain, I want more money to pay the bill. We actually want to run away from the bill, to get away from the pain. Whereas Christmas (as children) is driven by pleasure, we want to run to it.
Sometimes the pain motivates us to make lots of money to get out of that feeling of poverty, but in the long run it will only bring unhappiness. I’ll be happy when I make a million then when we make the million, we realise we still feel poor, we have all heard about the rich guy, who made millions, who was unhappy.
When we move towards stuff that makes us happy, we live with happiness now. Remember the excitement we had when we were looking forward to Christmas?
This is why wanting something is the most important thing in life. Because when you really want something, for the right reasons, your spreading happiness to the world, the people around you pick up on the enthusiasm and in turn it picks them up too.
When we are happy we want to share it.
The something, you want, can be a house, a car, more travel, a more fulfilling job or just to help more people each day.
So this is now the biggest and most important thing in your life. I have to want something so that I can bring happiness to the world. What a cool situation to be in. I get something and so does the world. Win win.
But this is also the biggest challenge there is. But I don’t know what I want?
Imagine this. Imagine that you set a goal, to find out, what you want over the next 30 days. Where would you start, what would you do, would it be exciting?
Writing down your goal each morn, writing down all the things you’d like, what would it yield, Hmmmmmm?
Now that I’ve got you thinking, this is the bit I’ve struggled with, most of all, over the past few years. As I said at the start what I want isn’t a conscious thing it’s an emotional thing.
I could not connect emotionally with what I wanted because of my beliefs. I could come up with fantastic ideas like buying a bus and going travelling the world, but then, I’d say, I can’t do that for one reason or another.
Basically I was pushing forward but I had the brakes on. I want, but I can’t! I was going nowhere.
I’m sure you have definitely felt this at one time or another.
So what can we do? For me what happened is, I started asking a better question.
I started asking what is holding me back, why do I have the brakes on?
This was my big breakthrough. I wanted to stop being stuck; this is what I really wanted. Since that decision I have been reading books, nonstop, in order to move forward, and because of being stuck I’ve had the greatest education the world has to offer.
Essentially I’ve boiled down my whole education to this. If you want something and believe you can’t get it. You have to go back and “want” to get rid of the “belief” you can’t get it.
An example of this is. The banks aren’t lending so I can’t get money to start my dream business. The belief is “I can’t get money” to start my business. The fact that banks aren’t lending is true. But the belief that you can’t get money isn’t. You could pitch your idea to angel investors, there are billions of dollars, euro, yen and every other currency in private hands, that they just want to spend on making more money.
So as you can see it’s the belief that holds you back from getting what you want.
This is a simple model of how to find out your limiting beliefs.
- What do you want? Write it down. Is it a car house or just more happiness?
- Write down why you want it?
- And write down why do you believe you can have it.
However, this is what a lot of answers will look like.
What do you want? I want to be happier 🙂
Why do you want it? Because my life is shit! 😦
Why do you believe you can have it: I don’t! 😦
I’m sure we have all felt that way before at some point. But this is mad; this is actually a good thing. This is an opportunity for this person, even though they are unhappy, they have a direction to go in now. They now know that they can work on their beliefs around why they cannot have a happy life. You can also see that this person is running away from pain, but they are also running towards pleasure. They could get some excitement now, by aiming on getting rid of their negative beliefs about their life.
I’m sticking in the positive version of this because it will give you a broader example.
What do you want? I want to travel
Why do you want it? Because life is to be lived.
Why do you believe you can have it? Because, I can make anything happen, if I just figure out a way of getting around the bull shit.
The route of all our problems and unhappiness is the feeling of lack, the feeling of not being good enough, low self esteem and low self belief. They are all the same thing but the words mean different things in different contexts.
If we work on our self belief by proxy we will get happier if we work on our self esteem by proxy we will get happier.
I hope these revelations are as useful for you as they were for me.But it is only by going for what we want do we see and feel our blocks. So always be aiming to move forward, even if it means going back and taking off the brakes.
Aim to live with relentless enthusiasm.