Its mad how much of a breath of fresh air this video was.
Over the past few weeks, all last years’ decisions have caught up on me, and financially, I’m fucked.
I’m not earning enough to support my life. I didn’t even have enough money to go for my weekly shop last week. Delaying on paying bills, and the whole gamut of shit that comes along with that.
My head has been melted over the past few months because I haven’t been able to operate at the speed I want to, and I’ve too many pressures on me keeping me down. Being broke kills your imagination and ability to think properly. I nearly left my business, I was that messed up in the head. (I may still do this, but consciously)
Believe it or not I’m actually excited, it’s great to realize why I’ve been struggling and gain that clarity. Now I can do something about it.
I can make a clear plan on what I want. and that is money.
Money is important, but how much of an impact it has had on me over the past few months and the past few weeks has been a really big surprise to me.
I had always ticked along nicely. But now I’m fucked. And the thoughts of it have really crippled me.
This is a really big realization to me. Financial freedom is a big thing for me now.
The mad thing is, so much of the pain I’ve gone through, is my ego getting burst, and me writing this and sharing it, is such a relief. My ego was holding me down and back, in a limited place. by not wanting to be seen as broke, I was limiting myself from moving forward. I actally felt like a fraud. How could I be talking about personal development when my life is in shit.
But this happens every one at some time. I’ll get over it.
now it’s the digging up phase.
I’ve been struggling with what I’ve wanted to do; I just couldn’t connect with it because I had financial pressures. Everything had to have a financial reward and that for me will never allow my fun and enthusiasm to flow. Because it has restrictions on it.
Yea speaking was interesting and Blogs and Vlogs but I couldn’t connect with it fully because I was holding myself (the real me) back because of the financial pressures I was under. I couldn’t be me because I was not free. Also on some level I wanted to be perceived (not consciously) as someone who has their shit together.
All that any one wants is to be themselves, but our perceptions of how other people think can cripple us. This is exactly what has happened me. My B, S got in the way. ha ha. I’m glad I caught it.
One of the biggest things that I’ve wanted to communicate in these videos is honesty. I genuinely am no body I’ve worked really hard learning stuff but I’m still learning and this is all part of my developmental process. Our BS can really be subtle. I never wanted to pretend to be anything else but me. But I still did.
Please enjoy a laugh at this, because its nuts. I’m laughing at me also.
Onward’s and upwards. Time to kick ass.
I want an awesome life and clearing this shit is part of it.