Over the past 6 months while I’ve been on this trip to speaking at Pendulum Summit I’ve been hit with a multitude of issues and whilst all of them have been a pain, they are good. They have focused me.
The biggest thing I’ve learned (again) is that you have to do what you love. What I had to learn was how to get into my heart, actually connect with myself. Due to partying and the usual growing up traumas I cut myself off from my emotions. I was happy in my numb-ness, but this caused a huge problem I couldn’t connect with what I wanted. From the outside I was enthusiastic and trying new things, but each thing had no meaning, they were just interesting. When I decided to become a DJ, when I was 20 ish at a Fatboy slim concert, that was a huge emotional confirmation I WANT THIS nothing before, or since has had that effect on me. Everything was just so so. But DJing was a different story, I could be free.
Now after doing some serious soul searching and energetic clearing, I’ve been able to connect more and more with my heart, the mad thing is that connecting with your heart is so much harder, and easier than you could imagine.
If I look back at my life, well the last 16 years at least I kinda have been connected, but the context was all wrong. The only things that have interested me is mad things, like jumping out of planes, DJing to mad crowds, and just trying new things in general. I did not want a specific thing, “my heart’s desire”.
I always thought that my heart desire would be something like ending poverty. or feeding the homeless. But in reality what makes me excited, is strange, different, quirky, and mad things. new, new, different. I always thought that, that was just me, who I was, but that wasn’t what my heart’s desire was.
My heart’s desire is simply just “I like mad things” different, new, change.
I’ve come to realize that because my heart’s desire was so close, I could not see it. It is literally how I operated. It was literally what made me excited, enthusiastic, and curious. But what did I want to do with that. What could I do with that?
People are passionate about making money, they are passionate about blogging, making videos, entrepreneurship / business or some other thing. I was interested in these things, but my heart just wasn’t into it, so I just kept running out of steam, after the initial curiosity wore off.
So what does all this mean now? Well its changed things around for me. I don’t want things, I want experiences, that fill me full of enthusiasm, excitement, and feed my curiosity.
Understanding the feelings I wanted, helped me connect with what I wanted to do, to get them.
Our hearts desire is a feeling not a thing. This was a revelation to me. I wanted fun, as much fun as possible.
This enabled me to think about this whole thing another way. It enabled me to ask a better question!
I asked what will be the best way for me to get the most experiences, while having the most fun, and earning plenty of money. I came back around to blogging, but this time its blogging with a purpose, I want to have an epic life. I want to do it all. And I suspect you do too. But an awesome life for me, and for you are two different things. You may see an awesome life as having your own house and I see traveling as a much higher priority. But either way the process we go through will be the same.
I’ve come full circle on my goal for this year. I’m six months in, and I haven’t blogged in a month, because I got derailed. I got derailed because of one thing. I wasn’t connected to my heart, I did not have that, I ran out of steam, I could not see why I was doing this anymore. Because I wasn’t’ fully clear on what I wanted in the first place.
I want to do mad things and show the world that everything is possible. To do that, I want to speak at the premier speaking event in the whole country. Why because its mad and I feel it will have a positive impact on the people around me. Why because I’m nobody, and if a nobody can do this, well then pretty much anything is possible, if your heart is in it.
So let’s do some mad stuff, lets have lots of fun, and see what is possible. I’m re-energised and I hope you are too.